On Being Woman Relationships
Affirmations for the sexually assaulted female; light your flame
March 7, 2017
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  1. This is women’s month. It is supposed to be celebration  of being woman. I guess at the same time it is mourning every loss brought by being woman. So this one is for you, the girl who was invaded, cracked if not broken, and left to glue the pieces back together in silence. 
  2. You are not dirty. You are not dirty. (even if your skin betrayed you) you are not dirty. You are not dirty. 
  3. It is not your fault. You weren’t asking for it. Don’t hurt yourself with shame baby. Regardless of how he made you feel. You are not to blame! 
  4. Have a friend or two who will hold you and love you and remind you you have fire in your soul. Don’t let it be snuffed. 
  5. Tell your mom. Or if you ain’t close like that, the one older woman who you do trust. 
  6. Cry. Journal. Cry. Rant. Cry. Be angry. Post about the suckiness of the male gender. 
  7. Then remember your dad, or if he sucks, your brother, or that one guy friend who is always so so sweet, or the one who constantly makes you laugh. Be reminded that there are good ones but only when you’re ready to be reminded. 
  8. Call a spade a spade. If there was no consent, anywhere from carassing, to penetration, or anything sexual it was sexual assault. It was SEXUAL ASSAULT  
  9. Follow up on the above. Your experience is not invalid. Your feelings of violation are not invalid. You are not overthinking. You are not overexaggerating. Your reaction is reasonable whatever it is. The consequences are up to you. 
  10. Don’t tell people who will make you feel otherwise. Don’t tell the ones who will ask, ‘but did you do something that made him… ?’ ‘but si you know better than to be alone with a guy in the same room?’ ‘but as long as it wasn’t rape, surely you’re being dramatic’. Not everyone deserves your vulnerability.
  11. Nice guys do bad things. Don’t justify him, or excuse him. Even if he is the best guy in the world on paper, even if everyone you know loves him! Even if he feeds the poor, gives candy to kids, and kisses babies,  he still is not worth your excuses. 
  12. You don’t need negativity. Cutting people out will not make you a bad person. 
  13. Give yourself a break from life. Quit for a few days. Heal. Then come back when you’re ready.
  14. Watch good movies. (non-romantic!)  Listen to good music. It is cartharsis. Start here:  Indie Arie- Beautiful Flower
  15. Live your purpose. It helps. Put all your focus and attention into what you love to do. 
  16. I know it’s hard and embarrassing and you don’t want to tell anyone. So read this until you believe it and tell the ones that matter most. 
  17. You are empty matchstick, he was dying spark trying to steal your unlit flame. Let his fire die, and you, you burn like the sun.  (photo cred:Kiptoo Koimett @a_mythical_stranger) 
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About author

Shingai

Going on twenty something Black Girl with chubby cheeks,fat lips, big hips, and a really kinky twa (Teeny-weeny-afro) Believer People Watcher Storyteller Favorite color blue, boo!

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